


The Tangled Web

by pookiestheone



Series: The Life to Come [6]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 07:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pookiestheone/pseuds/pookiestheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is somewhat earlier than <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4669292">Bexhill</a>. It can be read separately, but there is character crossover.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is somewhat earlier than [Bexhill](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4669292). It can be read separately, but there is character crossover.

**Chapter 1**

Jimmy took the stairs to the flat two at a time. When he reached the door he almost took it off its hinges in his hurry to get inside.

"Thomas, let me explain!"

The place was in darkness. Jimmy stopped mid-step as if considering that he might be in the wrong flat.

"Thomas?"

His voice quavered a little this time. He twisted on the floor lamp and made his way to the bedroom. The door was ajar so he could see that their bed was empty. Backing away he almost fell over the end table, catching himself on the arm of the chesterfield just in time before managing to stumble around the table and sit down. He buried his head in his hands.

_What the hell have I done? How could I have been so stupid? I just need to explain; he’ll understand._ He almost laughed out loud at that. How could he explain? How could Thomas understand when he didn't himself. _Jesus, I've fucked up this time._

\-----

Their evening had started out just fine. They were having dinner at Alfred's restaurant, one of the nicest in London, and his wife Lois was joining them. Even better it wasn't costing them a penny. Before they went Thomas had commented that the fact that it was free was a good thing because there was no way they could afford it.

They had settled at their table, enjoying the wine while they looked at the menu when Jimmy looked up to speak to Thomas. It was then that he saw her … and she saw him. _Please don’t come over, please don’t …_. Of course that was exactly what she did, her companion in tow. Both Jimmy and Thomas stood

"Jimmy! What a surprise to see you here."

As she leant in to kiss his cheek she quite openly slid her hand down his chest to his waistband, sneaking it even lower until Jimmy grabbed it and held it. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Thomas's face darken and his eyes harden.

"Ah, Mrs. Anstruther, this is … uh, nice."

"Mrs. Anstruther? Really Jimmy why so formal. After all …"

"Thomas, this is Julia Anstruther," Jimmy broke in before she should finish her sentence and damn him eternally. She held out her hand palm down as if she were half-expecting Thomas to kiss it. Jimmy watched Thomas's mouth twitch into the hint of a sneer as he barely touched her.

"Mrs. … Julia, my flatmate Thomas Barrow."

"Your flatmate? My, my, Jimmy why have you been hiding him away?" Over her shoulder she waved vaguely in the direction of the man who stood behind her. "This is Clive," she announced, not bothering with a last name.

Lois merely sat there, completely ignored by everyone. Quickly sensing the tension, she didn't mind that in the slightest.

"Both of you, please sit down we'll only be here a moment," Julia said, although by her stance Thomas doubted that was going to be the case.

"So, Mrs. Anstruther," Thomas began as he took his seat, "how do you and Jimmy know one another. He's never spoken of you before." There was no mistaking the disdain in Thomas's voice, as if she were in fact not worth mentioning in the first place.

"Really?" she laughed lightly. "That is indeed shocking." She reached over and danced her fingers almost possessively along Jimmy's shoulder. "I didn’t realise that I made so little of an impression that he wouldn't want to tell you. Why we're old …"

Jimmy broke in once again before the hole he saw opening in front of him could swallow him up.

"Julia is the sister of the playwright whose work we're premiering next week. She spent quite a bit of time at the theatre in the last few months. Her brother insists that she be there."

Julia gave him an odd look, then spotting the way Jimmy kept glancing at Thomas she quickly put two and two together and decided to play along with the omission … for the moment.

"Yes, George is simply at a loss when I'm not around. Besides, someone has to keep him sober. Of course, there were other reasons." She smiled suggestively at Jimmy. "At least one very good reason as it turned out."

"Really?" Thomas asked. "And what might that be?"

"Julia," Jimmy interrupted desperately, but somehow knowing that it was likely too late anyway, "shouldn't you be going to your table. You are blocking the way a bit." As if to emphasise that, one of the waiters nearly stumbled on a chair leg as he tried to skirt around her.

"Of course, my dear. How inconsiderate of me. Very nice to meet you Mr. Barrow. And to see you, Jimmy."

Jimmy held his breath as she left. _Thank God._

Then she stopped and turned back. The cruelty in her eyes ensured that Jimmy was damned before she opened her mouth.

"It's been so wonderful to renew our acquaintance over the last little while after so many years. And I did enjoy our little get-together last Wednesday evening. We must do it again next week, don't you agree?" She smiled pointedly at Thomas and sauntered away, laughing with Clive as if nothing had happened.

Jimmy sat absolutely still as silence settled around the table. _She bloody didn't have to._ He glanced quickly across to Lois, who seemed dumbstruck, and then turned hesitatingly to Thomas. Thomas just nodded, never taking his eyes off him as he picked up his glass and took a sip of wine before setting it carefully back on the table.

"Thomas, I … uh." Jimmy's voice faded when Thomas shook his head.

"Old friends are you? Now it really is strange that I haven't heard you mention her before."

"It … it was twenty years ago, before you came to London."

"I see," Thomas looked at his hands which gripped the edge of the table. "And last Wednesday, Jimmy. You were working late, weren't you?"

"Yes."

Jimmy cringed as Thomas looked up.

"I thought so. I mean that's what you said when you telephoned at the shop and told me you wouldn't be home for dinner; that something had come up, something to do with work, wasn't that it? You said I should go to the pub and get something for myself, your treat."

"Yes."

Thomas leant closer, his eyes still never leaving Jimmy.

"Now who would have thought that fucking someone was considered work in your business."

Lois exhaled a strangled sound as Thomas stood quietly.

"Lois, thank Alfred, but I can't stay for dinner after all. Something's come up. Sometimes that happens and can spoil things when you least expect it. Perhaps another time."

"Thomas, please," Jimmy began as he got to his feet.

Thomas seized Jimmy's shoulder and eased him gently back into the chair.

"No, Jimmy, you should stay. In fact I insist you stay. It wouldn't be gentlemanly to leave a lady sitting here at the table all by herself, now would it? What would Alfred think if we both abandoned her?"

"All right." Jimmy's voice was barely audible. "I'll see you at home then?"

The only answer he got was Thomas's back.

\-----

Jimmy raised his head from his hands and stared at the door. Thomas had never cheated on him; he was sure of that. It was true what he said about Julia. They were together for a short time before Jimmy met Thomas again. It had been a wild, whirlwind affair. He was lonely, and if he had to admit it, a bit scared that he was not going to find a decent job, let alone succeed in London. She was Julia Garwood then, beautiful, charming when she wanted to be, vicious when she felt like it, but she made him feel like someone cared. It hadn't lasted more than a couple of months. Julia tired of him and, to be honest, he wasn't all that sad when they parted, but not before he had made friends with some of her circle and together they moved on. He marvelled that they hadn't seen one another until she showed up with her brother at the theatre a few months ago.

But none of that excused what he had done last week. None of that excused that he had betrayed Thomas; not only betrayed him but lied to him, first by keeping the secret and then to his face tonight. What had happened last week was a mistake that he swore never to repeat; he supposed he thought that what Thomas didn't know couldn't hurt him … or them. And despite everything, despite how it seemed both then and tonight, he never wanted to hurt Thomas.

Now, as he leant back into the cushions to wait for Thomas, he wasn't sure what would happen. His thoughts about trying to explain were now long gone. _How can you explain something like this?_ Thomas would want to know why, but he didn't know what to tell him when he didn't understand himself. It was sex, plain and simple, there was nothing beyond the physical, but that should never have happened. Maybe he wanted to feel young again, relive the time when Julia made everything so exciting, so new, recapture some of the wonder he felt with his first affair.

But he had made matters worse, if that were possible, by trying to lie his way out of the fix he had put himself in. _I should have trusted him; trusted that he could forgive me. I should have owned up knowing Julia; owned up to_ … But how could he have done that in public, in the middle of a restaurant? _Maybe all I had to say was 'I'll tell you when we get home.' Maybe it was a simple as all that. But then when have I ever done things the simple way?_

Jimmy sighed and closed his eyes. He knew that Thomas loved him and that he loved Thomas, no matter how everything seemed, but now he wasn't sure if he had damaged that love beyond repair.

_to be continued_  



	2. Chapter 2

Jimmy eased his eyes open and squinted into the morning light. Shifting on the chesterfield so he could see the mantle clock, he groaned when his neck complained about how he had slept the night. _Jesus, 7:30!_ He jumped up and immediately regretted it when his head started to swim. Steadying himself he made his way to the bathroom, glancing into the bedroom as he passed. Still no Thomas.

He had half an hour to get to work and the tube took almost that on a good day. As he splashed water on his face and ran his fingers through his hair, he knew he was going to be late. Hurrying into the bedroom he changed his shirt and trousers, worrying all the time about where Thomas had got to. They had fought before – although he knew this wasn't the same by any means – but neither of them had ever stayed away overnight. Thomas would go for a long walk to cool down; he on the other hand would usually go to the pub if it was open, not to drink necessarily, but more to sulk. Still each of them always came back. Sometimes they settled it right then and there, sometimes it wasn't until the next morning, but they always worked things out.

As he ran down the street to toward the tube station, he knew that this time it wasn't going to be as easy as all that.

He arrived about fifteen minutes late, just as Joseph Lawson, his stage manager, had wrapped up what had to be done that day. He tried to sneak in quietly, but didn't succeed.

"Ah, Jimmy, nice of you to join us."

"Sorry, Mr. Lawson, I overslept."

"That's not like you. Seems I can always count on you to be here before anyone else."

"I had a bit of a rough night."

"Not well then? I mean you look like shit, frankly."

"I'll be dandy, honestly. Just need to get to work."

"Fine, see David about what you're doing this morning. You can take over from him once you know what's going on."

Jimmy made his way over to where some of the crew were standing and after the usual 'good mornings' started reviewing the tasks for the day. Jimmy liked to keep on Lawson's good side. If he wanted to go beyond first assistant stage manager, he needed to learn more and the only way to learn was from someone who was already at the top of the job. Fortunately Lawson had taken a shine to him – being a flatterer always helped - and was more than willing to share when he had the chance.

Jimmy spent the morning trying not to think about Thomas, but not succeeding very well. His mind would wander unexpectedly and he found himself worrying about where he was. He took time on his tea break to call the shop, but his assistant told him that Thomas had telephoned earlier and just said he wouldn't be in. That made him worry even more. Thomas could have been at death's door and he still would have dragged himself into work.

He was just about to go for lunch, when Lawson cauth up to him.

"Jimmy, there's a telephone call for you."

There was a slight sound of disapproval in his voice since personal calls were discouraged, but at this point Jimmy couldn't have cared less.

"Thomas, where are you?" Jimmy almost demanded.

"It's Alex Garrison, Jimmy."

"Alex? What …?"

"Thomas is here."

Jimmy was at a loss for words for a few seconds. _Why would he be at Alex's?_

"Thank God. I'm just going to lunch. Keep him there, please, I should only be fifteen minutes."

"Jimmy, wait. It's summer. We're in Bexhill, remember."

"Thomas is in Bexhill? How the hell …?"

"A very good question. He showed up last night around ten, he must have caught the last train from London. All I could get out of him after he asked if it was all right to stay the night was 'the little bastard'. I decided it was better not to pursue that. What did you do?"

"You really don't want to know."

Jimmy looked quickly at his watch and wondered when the next train was.

"You can catch the one o'clock if you hurry," Alex answered his unasked question.

"Right. Make sure he doesn't go anywhere."

"Oh, he won't. At least not until that half bottle of whiskey he took a few minutes ago is gone."

Jimmy set the receiver down without saying goodbye and went in search of Lawson.

"Mr. Lawson, I need to take the afternoon off."

"You do now, do you. And why would that be?"

"It's my flatmate Thomas. He's taken ill while he was away and I need to go get him."

"There's no one else?" Lawson asked grumpily.

"No, he doesn't have anyone else."

The words hit Jimmy like a blow to the stomach. _He doesn't have anyone else._ It was true. Thomas didn't have much of a family left - his nephew Stephen had moved to America after the war and no one had heard from his other nephew in years - and he never made that many friends. Jimmy knew Alex Garrison would qualify, even though he was Jimmy's friend first, and Alfred. There were a few others, but they were more acquaintances than real friends. Jimmy realised that he too had narrowed his friendships to only a handful, as if when he had Thomas he didn't need many other people.

"Are you listening to me, Jimmy?" Lawson demanded not unkindly.

"Sorry, no I really wasn't. I'm worried about him."

"That's obvious. I said you could go. We'll manage for the rest of the day."

"Thank you." Relief washed over him.

"You'll be back tomorrow?"

"Yes, first thing." _I hope._

\-----

The train from London seemed to stop at every little village on the way. By the time Jimmy arrived in Bexhill it was almost 3 o'clock. As he walked from the station to Alex's place he tried to work out what he was going to say. Eventually he realised it was futile because he had no idea how Thomas was going to react to seeing him. He prepared himself to try to keep quiet and say as little as he could until Thomas gave him an opening. He deserved anything he was willing to dish out.

Alex met him at the door.

"Is he still here? You didn't tell him I was coming did you?"

"That bad? Christ, Jimmy, I don't know what you did, but he's really hurt."

"I know,' Jimmy answered guiltily. "Where is he?"

"Last time Maureen checked he was on the beach, waving around the bottle of whiskey, and talking to the gulls. Thank heavens we don't have any neighbours."

Maureen appeared behind Alex.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, but thanks. I need to do this alone. He needs me to do this alone."

"All right. I'm making something to eat for us all. Bring him back here when the storm blows over."

Jimmy could hear Thomas before he could see him.

"Get the fuck away from me! I'm not a goddam fish."

Jimmy rounded the last turn in time to see Thomas throw his bottle at the birds, sending then scurrying. It overshot and landed in the sea, sinking into the shallow water. Thomas, still wearing his shoes, waded in after it, getting on his hands and knees to search for it.

"Ha! There is a God," he shouted as pulled the unbroken bottle up from the bottom and clutched it to his chest. As he turned he caught sight of Jimmy and froze for a few seconds.

Jimmy ducked instinctively as the bottle sailed wide of his head, breaking on a rock behind him.

"Now look what you've done, you little bastard," Thomas yelled indistinctly. "You made me break it."

Then as if suddenly deflated he sank to his knees in the water, mumbling. "No, I didn't break it. You broke it. You broke everything."

Jimmy kicked off his shoes and ran towards him, stumbling over the stones that littered his path. He dropped to his knees in front of Thomas and held out his arms. Thomas shook his head and struggled to his feet, trying to push past him but instead fell face forward into the sea when an uexpected wave hit him. Jimmy jumped up and pulled him upright.

"Leave me alone, Jimmy." Thomas coughed out sea water as he struggled to free himself but Jimmy held him tightly under the arms.

"You're a cheating, little bastard, you know."

"Yes, I know. I'm a cheating bastard. And I don't deserve you."

"Bloody right," Thomas choked out between chattering teeth. "I'm cold."

"Then let's get out of this water before we both freeze."

Together they made it to shore where they dropped onto the soft sand.

"I'm still cold," Thomas complained as he began to shiver.

Jimmy stood up, took off his jacket, and draped it around his shoulders, then sat down cross-legged in front of him.

"Better?"

"A bit." Thomas eyed him warily. "Don't try humour me, Jimmy. I'm not that drunk." He looked down at his hands which he had clasped around his knees. "I don't fucking like being humoured."

"Don't you think I know that Thomas? I wasn't humouring you, just stating what we both know. I am a cheating bastard and I don't deserve you. You have every right to hate me because not only am I all that, but I lied to you."

"At least now you admit it, but then again the evidence has already proven it, hasn't it? No use trying to hide it now."

"Right."

They were both quiet for a moment before Thomas spoke.

"What possessed you, Jimmy? Was fucking her then lying about it really worth throwing away twenty years?"

Jimmy was suddenly gripped by fear. Was Thomas saying they were through?

"I don't know why. I hated what happened as soon as it was over. Do you really think that I would be able to come home and say, 'Guess who I fucked today?' Because that's what it would have amounted to. I couldn't stand the thought that you would hate me like you do now, not just for doing it, but for hurting you."

"That's your excuse?"

"I'm not trying to look for an excuse. What I'm saying is that I don't have an excuse. I did it and lied about it. Both of those were mistakes that I regret more than you can know, but I can't undo either of them. I'll apologise over and over again and I'll mean it, but it will all still have happened."

"How many others?"

"What?"

"How many other mistakes like this?"

"You think I …? You think this has happened before?"

"Shouldn't I?"

"Never, Thomas. I know I can't make you believe me, I know …"

Jimmy stopped mid-sentence to wipe at the tears that began to roll down his cheeks.

"Never. And never again. Please don't leave me. Tell me what I have to do so you won't leave me."

Thomas reached over to take his hands.

"Don't cry. You know I can't stand it when you cry."

The truth was Thomas had only seen Jimmy cry twice in the last twenty years and it unnerved him because it meant this was Jimmy at his most vulnerable, stripped of any pretense.

"I'm not sure I can forgive you."

"I'm not asking you to." Jimmy sniffed and wiped at his eyes with his wet shirt sleeve. "Maybe one day you will, but I'll never ask you to. All I want is for us to have another chance, for you to give me another chance. Please don't let this selfish, stupid thing I've done kill off what we have"

Thomas sighed. He would probably never understand what made Jimmy do this, and he suspected Jimmy wasn't all that sure himself, but despite that he did know that Jimmy loved him. Twenty years had taught him that. He struggled to his feet bringing Jimmy with him.

"And Julia Anstruther?"

"I'll put her in her place as soon as I see her. I told her that night it never should have happened and she just shrugged and laughed as if she knew it all along. I'm sure she completely understood what she was doing last evening; always was a bit of a manipulative, vindictive bitch."

They started down the path toward the house. Jimmy scooped up his shoes as they passed them.

"I'm going to have to apologise to Alex and Maureen, aren't I?" Thomas asked.

"Likely."

"Hmmm. And we're going to need borrow dry clothes. My shoes are ruined."

"Yes."

They walked in silence until they were within steps of the front door.

"You're still a little bastard, Jimmy."

"I know."

~~~ End ~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say. I couldn't leave them broken-hearted. That's Fellowes's job.


End file.
